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Thursday, September 20, 2012

The First And Only Entry

I've been waiting for a moment... things just had to be perfect and conducive in order for me to spill all the beans. We all have beans to spill. Some of us don't like spilling beans. I like spilling beans when I'm writing. It's beyond therapeutic for me. I usually feel that no one understands what I'm feeling, even if they've been through something similar. The truth is, no one ever feels what we are feeling because no one can transport themselves into your skin and and feel the way you feel. We all deal with our emotions differently. Some better than others. This is the way I deal with mine. Keyboard and a computer, talking to a mystical audience somewhere on the other side of this computer. Somewhere in the matrix. I don't feel real. I feel like a make believe character, fictitiously created by my God to live for however long He should choose, and then when I die, I don't what happens after that. I wake up magically, somewhere else maybe? Maybe I really just turn to dust. Maybe then that's it, and my life be glorified while I fictitiously exist on this fictitious earth, while we all fictitiously cross paths. Ha! Life! I'm on a trip. I'm on my own heavenly trip that I so desperately need to survive and be myself. If I don't have these moments, I just exist. I need to feel alive. I live for these moments within my head, when I make sense to me, and maybe none of you care to read on because it looks as if I'm filled with senseless babble. Well now! Maybe I am filled with senseless babble, but somewhere in this labyrinth of symbols that you can understand, I am there, and you can see me. This is perfect! You can see me, and you can hear me, and feel me and it's as if I'm right next to you, or inside your mind, and I'm living to exist the way God does, but we just shut Him out most times. Maybe we are just too ignorant to understand it all. So if you haven't killed yourself reading this by now, you've managed to get through my first blog entry. I guarantee that it was worth it, and I can tell you it will grow to be more fascinating as the entries increase and my existence dwindles away. Sheree